Time For Another “No Jackasses” Sale!

Well, folks, it’s that time again – time for me to deny jackasses any more of my mental real estate. And my strategy for this these days is to instead celebrate and thank the customers and clients I have who aren’t jackasses and who understand that I’m a human being and not a spiritual vending machine. (Also, shout out to y’all who are smart enough to not piss off your rootworker ffs…)

So I was nearly caught up with the shipping backlog from the epic trainwreck that my business relationship with the USPS has become, when right on cue somebody decided to take a page out of Glenn the Frizzled Bantam’s handbook and get their tetchy asses disinvited from the party… but only after making me drop everything else when they basically decided to force-jump the queue and make me jump through hoops they created due to their inability to read shop policies, follow directions, and calm the everloving hell down.

On the one hand, that’s whatever, ’cause some asshat is always doing that. On the other hand, this time somebody decided it was ok to talk to my assistant Sonia like she was a freakin’ 15-year-old Burger King employee scoffing at them when they asked for extra mustard or something.

So let me take this opportunity to make some things super clear.

For one, Sonia is not my employee. Technically, she’s an independent contractor. But really, she’s my colleague and my friend who for some mysterious reason puts up with my unending and vast technical ineptitude, my raging attention span problems, and my complete inability to keep to a normal schedule what with the whole running a business from my homestead/farm where I also raise crops and chickens and am constantly having to drop everything and run out the door to chase off a hawk or some crap.

I’m glad she does, and you should be too, because she is dedicated, patient, intelligent, trustworthy, discreet, reliable, efficient, and kind. And we go way back – I didn’t just put out a job ad and hire somebody off the street. She was around back in my *ebay* days. She was born into this work and it was in the dirt she walked on and the air she breathed and the food she ate growing up; she didn’t learn it from some book. So she doesn’t just know a couple of things about a couple of things — she is a rootworker in her own right.

She is also potentially your biggest cheerleader and advocate – she’s right here with me as I’m running through what I’m gonna need to work your case and how I’m gonna schedule and arrange everything, and she lets me know if you’ve sent a new message so I don’t miss it in all the traffic from all the channels/inboxes. She remembers where you’re from and what you’re worried about and what *I’m* worried about for you in terms of your case. She is just as happy as I am when I show her a photo of your candle wax and am smiling when I know I can give you some good news. She’s just as affected as I am when people’s children are in danger, or a client is being threatened, or someone loses their job, or a war or disease or death rips their reality from them and sends everything they had scattered to the winds. You’d be an absolute idiot to get on Sonia’s bad side, because unless she has a reason not to be, she’s your ally and is in your corner.

Even if she were “just my employee,” we’d still have a problem if you decided to be rude to her. This is not Burger King, you cannot have it your way, you cannot have it in 30 minutes or less or your next one’s free, and you cannot take your frustration or impatience or lack of critical reading ability out on somebody who is doing the job I hired them to do. Sonia never copped an attitude with anybody. She is every bit the professional. In fact, she’s generally way more tactful than I am, and whether they know it or not, there are plenty of people who should be glad she replied to their message instead of me 🙂

But Sonia keeps this place and me from freakin’ sinking under the waves. Any correspondence you’ve gotten in anything resembling a timely manner, considering that I have blown up my email inbox and/or my customer database no fewer than four times now, you probably have her to thank for it. Any paragraph you’ve read on my blog or site recently about folk Catholicism or Catholic conjure or regional herblore has probably been enriched by Sonia’s own extensive knowledge and experience that she brings to the table. There’s lots of overlap with our backgrounds, but there’s enough difference that I learn things from her all the damned time. And we talk about databases and apps, but we also talk about sourcing and growing herbs and about theory and practice in rootwork. She is my *colleague.* So anybody who dismisses her as just some “errand lackey” is making a huge mistake.

So I have on my site a little bit about how to get fired as a client and/or banned as a customer. And later on tonight, I’m going to add “being rude to my assistant” right up there at the beginning of the list. Anybody who thinks I care more about a customer’s potential credit line and what they might spend at my shop than I do about how Sonia’s doing and how she feels about all this work she does for me just doesn’t know me at all.

So now that we’ve cleared that up lol, all y’all who treat Sonia like you ought to and who behave like reasonable people, I just appreciate y’all so much. I know orders have not gone out super quickly lately and the backlog for reports and readings is absolutely ridiculous. I’m slowly but steadily working on improvements around all of that, but I know some of y’all have been patient to the point of sainthood at this juncture 🙂 and I am grateful. So if I’m not getting your stuff out to you as fast as either of us would hope, I do at least try to show my appreciation with a little lagniappe or a little coupon or a little limited edition something or other every once in a while.

Or, like now, a little sale. So please enjoy 15% off pretty much anything except services for the next 48 hours. If you’re not already a customer but you were thinking about trying out some of my stuff, well, you’re absolutely welcome to as well, just as long as you’re not a jackass 🙂 That means treat Sonia right, read the item listings and terms of service, and get familiar with my shipping and handling processes before you place an order 🙂 I post them all over the place so nobody will be unpleasantly surprised, because I want you to love what you get from my shop. And if you value personal attention to your work and the creation and shipping of your stuff, I think you will, and I’ll love having had the chance to provide you with some cool and useful stuff I made and packaged up with my own two hands 🙂

Memorial Day Sale

Memorial Day is a somber celebration, and as a veteran — with many veterans among my ancestors and other beloved dead — I encourage you to take a minute over the holiday to set a light, say a prayer, and/or make an offering for those who have given their lives in service to their country.

You can use the coupon code for tangible items at SeraphinStation.com. The sale is set up shop-wide at Etsy, so no coupon code is necessary.

Bonus rewards points at Seraphin Station until midnight on June 1st.

No Jackasses Flash Sale

It used to really mess up my day when people would fail to read item listings and shipping/handling info before ordering and then file a dispute or leave crappy feedback because they were oblivious to what they signed up for by ordering something from me.

But sadly, there are lots of folks like that, and I eventually decided that life was too short to have a messed up day because of them.

So now when I’m forced to deal with one, I have a tiny little party for my customers that *don’t* suck instead.

So if you’re a customer or potential customer who reads listings and policies and isn’t going to pester me with questions you were already provided the answer to – in short, if you’re not a jackass – then you can use coupon code NOTANASS22 at checkout to get 15% off. Good at either SeraphinStation.com or the Etsy shop.

Expires 3/23/22 at 6:30 p.m. Services excluded. Jackasses ineligible.

14 Holy Helpers Oil + 15% off Blessing/Healing formulas, 2 days only

The Fourteen Holy Helpers are saints or holy figures who were petitioned in medieval Europe during the terror of the Black Death. Also known as the “auxiliary saints,” they were called on as a group for protection from a variety of illnesses and troubles that would strike both people and animals. Their popularity continues to this day.

While you will occasionally see variations in a few of the names depending on region, the “standard” 14 Holy Helpers and their particular areas of specialty are as follows:

  • Agathius – headache, agonizing pain
  • Barbara – fever, sudden death, fire
  • Blaise – illnesses of the throat and protection for domestic animals
  • Catherine of Alexandria – sudden death, diseases of tongue
  • Christopher – plague, sudden death, and temptations while traveling
  • Cyriacus – temptation on one’s death bed, eye disease, possession
  • Denis – headache, demonic possession
  • Erasmus (aka St. Elmo) – intestinal and stomach troubles
  • Eustace – family discord and strife, fire
  • George – domestic animals, boils, lesions
  • Giles – plague, for good confessions, for the maimed and beggars, epilepsy, mental illness, nightmares, panic
  • Margaret of Antioch – childbirth, protection from devils, headache, backache
  • Pantaleon – physicians, midwives, against cancer and TB
  • Vitus (aka St. Guy)- epilepsy, lightning and storms, protection for animals and from animal bites

I released this oil years ago as part of an expanded line of blessing, uncrossing, and protection formulas, having no idea at the time that we’d one day be facing a sort of modern plague of our own. So I figured now’s a good time to make another batch of this stuff.

One of those multi-use spiritual oils that’s worth keeping in the supply cupboard because one little bottle does so much.

Enjoy 15% off tangibles in the Blessing, Healing, Protection, Uncrossing, Spiritual Cleansing, and Saints/Spirits categories on any order totaling $20 or more, at Seraphin Station or at Etsy. Offer good now through midnight CST on Monday the 17th. Discount is automatic – no coupon code necessary.

Read more or order now at Seraphin Station.

N.B. Not a medicine and not a substitute for proper medical treatment by a qualified medical practitioner.

Chicken Coop Sale

No, we aren’t selling chicken coops! We need to fix ours, stat, so I’ve put pretty much everything on sale for a few days, at both Etsy and SeraphinStation.com, to encourage folks to have a look around and restock any spiritual supplies they might be running low on.

It’s hurricane season on the Gulf Coast, and while we’ve just gotten rain so far (and the slow AF internet to go with it), there’s always something new headed our way. Plus we have two broody hens, and I wasn’t gonna let them hatch any more chicks after our rooster ratio got out of control, but then Joe and Pretty Boy both died in that predator attack and… ugh, it’s just been a really hard year on the chicken front, and I just couldn’t bring myself to try to break them of being broody right now.

This is all to say that we have some repairs we need to make to the coop ASAP. And if you haven’t had the need to price any lumber lately, well, it’s gone up since this pandemic crap started. A LOT.

So I’ve posted a sale at both Etsy and SeraphinStation.com, good now until midnight Central on the 31st on just about everything (services and a few items with pretty much no profit margin built in are excluded). You don’t need a code or anything, but at the main site, the discounts don’t show up until you add the item to your cart.

ETA: Glenn also says my proofreading game is weak. He’s not wrong about that either.

Mercury Retrograde service, bonus rewards points

If you find Mercury RX tends to wreak havoc in your life, or you have an important Mercury-ruled event coming up during the retrograde period that you cannot control the timing of, or you just want a little added peace of mind during this transit, that’s what this community ritual service is designed for – to help you navigate this round of Mercury retrograde with minimum fallout.

Work begins on Saturday, May 29th. There is some wiggle room and you can book late as long as you still see available slots.

Learn more or book your spot at Seraphin Station.

Community altar work services focused on a particular goal or area and with a limited number of “seats” for each working are a great compromise between big workings open to any number of folks (inexpensive but with little customization available) and hiring a worker to do 100% custom, private services just for you (completely tailored to you but often considerably more expensive since the cost of time and materia magica are not being shared by more than one person).

Participants are invited to my client Discord server where they can ask questions, chat with me and other participants, and see photos of the work in progress. Joining the server is not mandatory, but a lot of clients like the option to have ongoing convos “backstage,” as it were, and in fact, some have been there continuously since I started offering community altar work services last year, and it’s actually become a little community – and everybody in it is really cool. No question-shaming or anything like that 🙂


Double rewards points now through midnight Central time on June 1. Find out more about the free rewards program here.

New Stuff

Check out the New category at Seraphin Station if you haven’t visited in a while. You’ll see the following, among other things:

And a small scattering of tinwork shrines/ornaments:

Bonus Rewards Points

Spend $40 or more at Seraphin Station before midnight Monday and earn 100 bonus rewards program points.

The rewards program is free – you just need an account with the shop so there’s somewhere to track your points. You’ll see the little Rewards icon in the bottom right of your screen and you just click it to open it up.

Plus you can still take advantage of the coupon code NOTANASS to get 15% off anytyhing. It’s good at the Etsy shop and at the main shop through 11/30.

(deep breath)

I am in the middle of two consultations that I should have delivered last night, along with posting a custom listing, finally getting the incredibly patient E. her light setting report, and making a big dent in the emails.

Since 8 p.m., I have had three hours of sleep, one unexpected visitor who stayed a while, one rooster with a bloody foot who is very human-averse and hard to catch and who I’ve so far only managed to hit with Blu-Kote from a distance, four (yes, 4) separate hawk sightings necessitating installation of new hawk deterrent measures over three acres, and a hen who is still acting weird on day 3 and who might be egg bound, which means she has to go to the vet *today.* (The condition is fatal if untreated, and this is Hi Top, the ISA Brown whose face greets you when you see a mailing list signup form. She’s not just any old hen.)

Hi Top as a teenager with her sisters Freddie and Starbuck in the background and some random chicken butt I can’t confidently identify from this angle

I’m freaking out a little. Both our vehicles are out of commission and we have access to a borrowed one, but it means only one of us can knock out errands and neither of us can go finish this painting job that the customer wanted finished last week. And my back is still pretty twingey.

And then two adults here need to vote today somewhere in all of this, and meanwhile murder hornets, civil unrest, and mutant crawfish in Europe who can reproduce by essentially cloning themselves. If this were a screenplay, nobody would buy it because it’s too unbelievable.

Meanwhile, I have a case of the ass about some shitty feedback on Etsy for shipping time from buyers who didn’t read the shop policies and/or didn’t think giving me a chance to respond should happen before shitty feedback. Now that kind of thing is going to happen when you do this – I should know, I used to sell on eBay – but my anxiety brain doesn’t care and wants me to go into “sky is falling” mode.

And the housemate we had to evict who turned nasty on us is heading over here right now to get the last of her things.

So a couple of things:

One, if you have a moment and grok how a chicken can be important to somebody, Hi Top could use some prayers.

Two, I pretty much reserve coupons/specials for mailing list subscribers only, but I’m making an exception today. If you’ve purchased from me this year and have NOT been AN ASS and left negative feedback about delivery times recently, esp. considering we’ve had THREE hurricanes and a death in the family in 6 weeks, I’m thanking you with a discount on your next purchase. If you haven’t made a purchase before, you’re welcome to use the code, too — as long as you read the TOS/shipping info and aren’t AN ASS about delivery times 🙂 Coupon code is NOTANASS and it’s good at the Etsy shop and at the main shop through 11/30.

Three, I’m also going to give away at least one email reading/consultation this month. I’ll post details in a separate blog post. Staying busy and helping people is one of the best cures for panic and self-pity that I’ve found, so that’s gonna be my MO. That and breathing.

flash bonus rewards extended

Since I screwed up and the news didn’t make it from WordPress land to Facebook land until the bonus period was almost over, I extended it through midnight tonight: you can get 2X reward program points for any purchases made at Seraphin Station.

You can read more about the rewards program here. It’s free to join, it’s not complicated, and I am always trying to think up new ways folks can earn points without having to spend money.

Reviews and testimonials are a big one. I will give you a ton of points for writing a review or testimonial I can use on the site. Left a Facebook comment a while back and it’s okay if i use it as a testimonial? Great, email me and give me the link or tell me how to find it and I’ll go in and manually award you the points now.

Left a product rating on the product’s actual website page instead of through the contact form? Or left a review on Etsy? Great, email me and let me know and I’ll manually award you the points.

Don’t mind reviewing but don’t want your real name associated with something your mother would have a heart attack about? No problem – just tell me what initials or whatever to put instead.

Want to write a second review a month later and the system won’t give you the points a second time? Email me – I will (within reason – if the whole site has nothing but one person’s reviews, that’s gonna defeat the purpose lol)

Social media is *everything* these days. Seriously – people have to know you exist and talk about you and link to you and visit you before Google will yawn, glance over, grudgingly acknowledge that you might be a shapeless blob over there in the corner, and deign to allow you to turn up in some search results eventually.

Etsy’s algorithms for how visible your items are in search results involve a lot of mysterious things, but one of them is “likes”/”hearts,” according to people who have been doing this a lot longer than I have. It factors in whether people are clicking to leave social evidence that they like something you have.

You know what convinces people who don’t know you that you have something worth checking out? Their sense that other people are checking it out. Most people don’t want to be first.

And so if you take the time to help me get Seraphin Station’s name out there in this baffling and rapidly changing digital world where everything is evaluated by strings of code, I damn sure will take the time to reward you for it. If you don’t mind being first and leaving evidence that you were so somebody else doesn’t have to be, I’ll throw reward points around like confetti and come up with more cool things to redeem them for to the best of my ability.

(And I take suggestions. You want me to bake you cookies? It’s possible we could figure out a way to make that work as a reward. You want me to spend a few hours one Saturday troubleshooting your altar setup plans with you over videoconferencing? That’s not impossible. Do you want me to design you a custom vigil candle with a sigil on it that is indecipherable to the ignorant but that contains both legitimate medieval grimoire elements *and* a snarky Latin bit designed to take the piss out of your roommate? Not out of the realm of possibility. If you think of something, holler and suggest it.)

Flash Bonus Rewards Points + New Stuff

Earn 2X rewards on all purchases made through midnight. Read more.

Recently Added:

Chuparosa – Hummingbird Oil

Chuparosa formulas made their way into hoodoo from south of the border, and this delightful oil is named for the hummingbird as a symbol of serious, committed, faithful love. The hummingbird has long history in Mexican folk magic, one that once involved using actual hummingbirds. The hummingbirds didn’t come out the other side of this intact. Read more.

Our Lady of Perpetual Help tinwork altar ornament

This handmade ornament is intended to evoke the Blessed Mother’s elegance and grace but without removing all the rough edges and scuff marks that are part of this icon’s history and that characterize the fabric of her devotees’ genuine lived lives. Read more.

I hate the new block editor in WordPress. It took me a whole 24 hours to get this post finished. It keeps eating my captions when I adjust images, and i have no idea how to get things where I want them. The things i want are always grayed out or don’t work. Yes, I read the freakin’ instructions. Right now this caption is twice the width of the image, which I cannot move or adjust for some reason. Not a fan.

Flash Bonus in Seraphin Station Rewards Program

flash sale jpg 221x315Ok, I think I finally figured out how to make the loyalty rewards program app thingie at the Seraphin Station storefront do most of what I wanted it to do. I had to get a little creative with one of the rewards and I don’t actually know if it’s gonna work the way I have it set up or not.

And that’s why I need testers. So I’ve slapped a whole ton of bonuses and freebies on this thing to try to lure some folks in there so I can get some insight into what is all screwed up and what is working ok etc.

So you show up on the site and you should see a widget for the program. It will invite you to sign in/create an account and it will give you points for that.

Then you should see a notification that there’s a “Flash Bonus” for points earned through purchases from now until 11 a.m. 11 p.m. on 6/29 (I extended it – well, tacked a second identical one onto the end of the first one to run another 12 hours ’cause this never cross-posted to social media — there’s still something wrong with my WordPress connections to FB etc, sigh).

So during the bonus period, you get whatever points you would normally get per dollar spent but you also get 50 bonus points on top of that if you spend $20.

Then it will give you the option to get a bunch more points for filling out a profile, visiting a web page, stuff like that. Just takes a few seconds (at least the ones I tested only took a few seconds).

So yeah, it’s one of those things where you earn points for dollars spent and can cash them in for goodies, but it’s *also* set up to give a whole bunch of points for stuff that does not require spending money. ‘Cause I need y’all to go up in that thing and push buttons and try to break it, ’cause if it’s gonna break, I want it to be now and not later lol

But you should be able to get enough points for stuff like free shipping easily, without having to spend money. Plus one of the signup thingies gives you a percent off coupon right away even if you don’t feel like pushing all the buttons to get all the points. And you can also get points for referrals and for Etsy purchases

So this should legitimately feel like an actual bonus or reward or cool thing and not just some pain in the ass bunch of hoops you have to jump through for no good reason. That’s the goal anyway. And I don’t have anything set to expire, so you don’t have to be in a hurry to use them.

I ordered a bunch of essential oils, by the way, to replace stuff I had to throw out, and they should come in a day or two, so I should be having a lot more formulas available very soon.

So go play with the new loyalty rewards app thingie if you feel like it and do let me know if you see anything funky that I need to fix.